Florida: Adoptive Mother Sentenced to Twenty Years in Prison for Child Abuse

Brenda Sullivan has been sentenced to twenty years in prison for caging a seventeen-year-old adopted child.

I became aware of this when I saw the headline, ” Mom who caged teen son gets 20 years behind bars”.

I thought - ‘What kind of mom would do that?’ - and knew that this person was most likely NOT the real mother. I suspected it was a foster parent or adopter. And I was right.

It irritates me when the news agencies use headlines that indicate a foster parent or adopter was a real mother or father. But I often know by looking at the headlines when the abusers are actually child collectors who took children out of the child welfare system - to get adoption subsidy payments.

This woman also had 13-year-old twin boys. They said they had also been in cages.

Some “mom”.

Newsflash: Foster parents and adopters do not have the genetic affinity for the children they claim to parent. Some may do an adequate job, but there’s no true love like the love of a real parent for his or her natural children.

Source: Mom who caged teen son gets 20 years behind bars, an AP article published at CNN.Com.

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Written by Linda Martin for Fight CPS.

Filed under: Legal Issues, Florida — Linda @ 8:47 am

43 Comments »

I only have one dissagreement with this article and that is the part entitled newsflash:
I myself was adopted. In my case I was actually better off for it. I concider my adoptive parents to be my true parents, and couldn’t have asked for a better life then the one I have had. My parents have never treated me any different and raised me as if I was their own. Recently my father passed away and has been the most difficult thing that I have ever been through. So in some cases love is thicker than blood.

Comment by JoElin — May 26, 2008 @ 10:08 am

Horrible torture is rampant in foster care. Look at the mess in TX. At last count, the number of deaths in that state’s foster incarceration system is 147 in recent years. The FLDS have ZERO, but they say those kids are ‘being terribly abused’. Gimme a break!

Comment by Susan — May 27, 2008 @ 6:31 am

I have to disagree with the comment made about “not being able to love a child like a biological parent could”. I have cared for a beautiful little girl since she was 3 months old, I have held her out to the world as my own, and have loved her unconditionally, as I do my other daughter (who happens to be my biological child). I could never, and would never, treat her differently because of her biological makeup. she would definetly be in a worse situation with her biological mother who is a drug addict.
I know there are bad ‘foster’ parents out there, but there are good ones, too. You cannot generalize and categorize “real parents” and “foster parents”. I don’t like CPS, but I understand the intent that the organization was started with, to protect children. Everyone needs to focus on that. What is truly best for the child? Whatever or whomever that may be.

Comment by Stephanie — May 27, 2008 @ 11:39 pm

I am also raising a child that I happened not to give birth too. I love her as my own. I have had her since she was 1, she’ll be 6 soon. I remember the first time I held her. She looked up at me as if to say… “Will you take care of me?”. I told her I would “always” be there for her. “always is our song, it’s a old song sung by Pasty Cline”. Although she did not grow in my womb, she grew in my heart. I can’t image live without her. She has made my life complete. I agree with the woman who said “sometimes love is thicker than blood”. My child knows of her bio-mother. She knows that her bio-mom could not care for her and that is why she has two mommy’s. Presently the bio-mom has choose not to have a relationship with her but I keep the door open. This child would have been in the foster care system if I did not take her because her bio-mom felt she had no choice. I do not receive any state aid for caring for beacuse as I said, she is my child. I love her as my own.

Comment by fran — May 28, 2008 @ 6:56 am

I realize there are exceptions to the rule - especially when parents can’t take responsibility and compassionate family or friends take over to help. But in general, our nation’s foster parents and adoptive parents - particularly those who adopt multiple children from the social services system - are in it for the money, not the love. And the genetic ties aren’t there.

Comment by Linda — May 28, 2008 @ 8:31 am

Until recently I did not know that people who adopted through the foster care system, were able to receive monies once they adopted the child. I feel that once you have adopted the child, there should be no more money paid out from the state. Because after all once you’ve adopted the child, that child is legally yours and therefore your reponsibility. (just my opinon) if the states took that insentive away, maybe more children would be returned to their families. The system needs to be revised, were those that are in it for profit, don’t profit.

Comment by fran — May 28, 2008 @ 9:07 am

Unless you have been a foster parent and loved and cared for and tried to heal the wounds bio-parents have caused. You have no right or abilty to speak on the system. There is a breakdown in the family. Parents neglecting, not loving there own. If it were not for the loving foster families, these children would not have a chance. Children are not our posessions, they are not like a favorite shirt. They are lives, God breathed lives. As for making a profit on being an adoptive or foster family. Your crazy if you think anyone profits. Foster parents spend so much money out of their own pocket because the wages for fostering are so small. There are bad foster parents, just as there are bad bio-parents. But there are so many good, loving, selfless foster families. We have seen miracles unfold before our very eyes with our foster children. It is worth the huge sacrifice we make as a family to love the “least of these”

Comment by Jenny — May 28, 2008 @ 10:00 am

In California they steal children for profit. They took my 1 yrs g-daughter out of my arms 2 days before Christmas in 2006 the reason — she is a white,adorable,blond blue-eyed baby. there was 8 family willing and able to care for her since the mother is retarded,but none of us were able with no valid reason. thet told us they were on a fast track to get her adopted before she turns three. they are the most vile people in the world If it weren’t for the money my g-daughter would be with us not the retarded mother and her neurotic family

Comment by Marliese Jamison — May 28, 2008 @ 4:17 pm

They steal kids for profits everywhere. That is CPS’s game plan! I’m sure there are good foster parents out there, but we only seem to hear about the bad ones. In my county alone, they cover up the abuses incurred in this system. One sexually abusive foster father is FINALLY in prison after molesting countless children. They won’t even put this predator in general population where he belongs. Why does our govt. protect these monsters???
Warren Jeffs is in prison where he belongs too. That picture of him kissing an 11 yr old is totally disgusting. However, that was taken in Arizona or Utah, not Texas back in 2006. Not all of those kids snatched up by the state even came from polygimous families or were even abused. Especially the little boys & girls. Nancy Grace is misleading tv viewers into thinking that some of these kids have broken bones.
I work in the medical profession and x-rays indicate whether a bone has been previously broken (and treated) but they aren’t saying that part. There is at least one doctor on that ranch. If this mass cps invasion can happen there, it can happen anywhere. It’s already been done to my family!

Comment by Susan — May 29, 2008 @ 12:41 am

Dear Jenny

You still haven’t addressed the issue. You have sited wonderful things about foster parents. I haven’t said that foster parents are bad. I am sure that some do make a difference in a child’s life. I know a foster family that adopted 3 children and they all grew up loved and cared for. They are all adults now and these foster parents are their family. What I don’t understand is if a foster parent “Chooses” to adopt, why do they still receive state funding? Aren’t they then considered the child’s parents. Other parents who adopt through angencies aren’t paid by the state for the child’s care.

Comment by fran — May 29, 2008 @ 6:16 am

I think that foster parents recieve funding (a very small amout of funding) because many of them don’t foster to adopt. When we became foster parents we did it with the idea that we would help a child for a time until they could be reunited with their parents. In my county reunification is the altimate goal. When foster parents find themselves in a situation where the bio-parents can’t get their children back, due to their own struggles or bad choices then the foster parent is faced with do I adopt or do I have another family adopt them. Many of these cases the children have been with you for years and adoption often is what’s best for the kids. In my case, I have four young children of my own. I was called to this ministry and in doing so I quit my job and we live on a teachers salary. It is enough to support our family of 6 but would not be enough to support a family of 8 (we have two foster children with us currantly) If mom and dad couldn’t get their children back then we would adopt our foster children then the help from the state would be needed for us to raise them. Again, realize most foster parents don’t foster with the intent to adopt. When Adoption comes into play it is hard for many foster families to support the additional children on their own. Why do the foster parents adopt then? Because the children have often been a part of your family for years and to turn them away would be unthinkable and destrutive the the children. The funding that foster parents get is so small. We recieve $120 a week for two children in diapers, formula, they came with very little clothes, gas for dr. apts, theropy for many of the children have extensive pain. $120 covers everything, food, EVERYTHING!! It barely covers the diapers and formula alone. Once children are adopted they cut that money to $40 a week. Thats $160.00 a month to support and raise two additional children. Many foster parents can’t even do it on that amount. Those of you who think people foster to make profit, or adopt to make profit, must live on very small means. There is NO profit in fostering. In fact it is the hardest job I have ever done. It’s worth it to see the children thrive, but it comes with a cost to your own family. Your own children. We should be thanking foster families, not calling them money hungry, abusers. I’d like to remind all of you that it takes a lot for a child to be removed from their parents. The parents have failed their children and foster parents are left to pick up the many, broken pieces.
Jenny

Comment by Jenny — May 29, 2008 @ 7:35 am

One thing I forgot. The children that are in the system in need of adoption. Are always the children that have extensive problems, either medical or emotional. Most have severe reactive attatchment disorder which is a very long road for adoptive parents. The reason people get help from the state is if they adopt from the system and have not fostered these children. These are the kids that are not wanted by the foster families the “unwanted ones” The ones who require to much ongoing care to make them attractive to most. The state desires permancy for children and they would like all the children to find good homes. Many times kids will turn 18 and never have adoptive parents. The state offers aid because it knows that these children will be very expensive due to extensive ongoing emotional and medical issues. I know that bad people adopt children. I also know that good people after years of ongoing struggles become hard and angry. Kids adopted by the state are always very damaged. Taking care of a very damaged child for many years and not seeing any change or results can make a adoptive parent feel alone and helpless. It takes a very special person to adopt children with these issues. I would also like to inform the critics that when you foster you are not getting a beautiful, healthy, happy, whole child in your home to enhance life. You are getting a broken, damaged, hurting, often angry and violent child. It takes enourmous amouts of patience, love, long suffering to be a good parent to these children. I have fostered children with RAD. They are the hardest because they don’t know how to give or recieve love. They don’t trust anyone. Abuse is NEVER okay. But from experience I can see how an adoptive parent. Full of excitment and hopes for their adopted child gets the grim reality of this very broken, very angry child and falls into a deep depression and may even cause harm to the children as a result. Once adopted they are your responsibility. Many don’t know where to turn. Again, To asume anything in life if you have not walked through it, or know the real facts is foolish at best. I looked on this site trying to find resources to be a better foster parent and I read all the critisism and ignorance of the system. This benifits noone. I think unless you know the facts, you should not speak!!!
Jenny

Comment by Jenny — May 29, 2008 @ 8:22 am

I like to add to all of your comments and especially the last one. In my experiences Jenny is very right in her comments. And so is everyone else, depending on their experiences. See every case is different and should be handled differently.
My situation is I am a single father with custody of my daughter for the last 17 years. I also help protect my daughter’s half sister, 10, from their mother - which is one of those that has proven for 16 years of unstable, drugs, and violent behaviors.
But recently, my daughter’s half sister’s father had passed away.
We watched the CPS do what ever to put this daughter back into the mothers hands no-matter how it was done. They went against court orders, even though the court was trying to do the right thing. The aunt of this daughter was trying to get custody, but they didn’t even look at her.
CPS basically forced the child back into this mother’s custody and pushed every one away that has taken care of her for the last 4-5 years.
Therefore, CPS has proven to me that they are just incompetent, uneducated of fully evaluating each case. The lady at CPS even said it wasn’t her job to read the court order. A totally different situation then most.

Comment by Rob — May 29, 2008 @ 8:47 am

Dear Jenny

Thank you for clearing up some of my questions, However please correct me if I am wroung. Do you assumed that all children in the foster care system, are there due to lack of parenting skills. What we are talking about is the children that do not need to be in the foster care system. I am caring for my niece who I got custody of when she was 1. (she is almost 6) she was in a sad situation. She was very sick when I took custody. Today she is healthy and happy. But because of her past she is affraid of being left. She’s fearful that we will leave her. (school was hard at first) We have had her in theapy since age 3, she’s doing well. I would love to adopt her but because someone called CPS with a false alligation concerning my daycare, I am affraid to try. However I consider her my child, my daughter. I do not accept any aid from the state because in my heart she is mine. However I understand (from what you explained) your situation. Jenny I do understand about these children you talk about, because I am caring for one. I have been the one who has been here through the nightmares. I am the one who nursed her back to health. I was the one to teach a 14 month child how to eat solid food beacuse all she had was a bottle. I was the one who insured her shots were updated, beacuse when she came to us she had, none, and I held her through every shot. Her doctor told me had she been in that situation one more month, she would not be with us today. It breaks my heart to think of life without her. I have watched her go from a scared, hollow, empty child, to a beautiful, happy, heathy child. I love her with all my heart and all my soul. I seen the good foster parents can do. My friend adopted three from the foster care system and these children were rasied as his own. What I am saying is not all the children in the foster care system needed to be rescused. Some are there because someone called in a false alligation on the parents, and CPS did not follow their own regulations. Foster care has it’s use (as in your case) However the way system is set up, it is currently beiong abused, and the ones that suffer are the innocent familes and the children.

Comment by fran — May 29, 2008 @ 10:19 am

Dear Rob

I am sorry for your heart break. I am affraid that one day my child’s bio-mother will want her back. (Read my story above) It would break our hearts and break her spirit if she was returned. I am also affraid that if I were to die before she is 18, she would be returned to her bio-mother. I am hoping the the seperation in states helps keep that from happening.

Comment by fran — May 29, 2008 @ 10:26 am

Your right, the system is far from perfect. False alligations are horrible and not funny at all. In most cases the alligations are investigated and mom and dad get their children back soon after they have been removed. If you have had a falce alligation and it was proven to be unfounded then you should have no trouble adopting this little girl. I did not take offence at your coments. It was the others. Please forgive me, my defence reflex went into overdrive. I have never delt with a family where there were false alligations and I can only imagine the pain that causes.
Our system is too quick to let children go back into harms way and they are to over booked to not let things fall through the cracks. It’s a bad system. But I know many good people with good intentions who work in it and for it. I guess thats the best we can do right now. God bless and I hope that all works out for you through this process.
Jenny

Comment by Jenny — May 29, 2008 @ 11:41 am

Yikes. The “real parent” is the one who cares for the child. Saying “there’s no true love like the love of a real parent for his or her natural children” is such a stab in the heart.

Comment by Amanda Sumner — May 30, 2008 @ 6:19 pm

Just to let you know adoption subsidy is for family members as well. It was put in place for family members and foster parents that would be able to take a child but could not financially afford to do so. As for Foster Parents that have adopted a lot of children from the system, I can tell you that I will be adopting 4 children two sets of siblings. So I am suppose to only adopt 2 because people think that I or my husband are money hungry, please. I adopted my son and will be adopting his sister because I feel that he is apart of me, and treat him like my only child. People who think that most foster parents adopt for the money are insane and are usually bitter because they were unable to follow their case plan. Honestly I see more abuse from Bio Parents in the news then I do foster parents.

Comment by Mary — May 30, 2008 @ 6:44 pm

Foster-adopters, I understand that you disagree with me, but I stand by my statements. Children belong with the parents GOD gave them, not parents chosen by social workers.

Many of you who have taken custody of children who were not given to you by God have also been lied to about why those children were taken from their natural families.

I detest the term “bio-parents”. Those people are their PARENTS and nothing you can do as fosterers can make those children yours. Many of those children have natural parents and extended family members such as grandparents who have wrongly been denied the right to raise those children.

What has been going on in this country is treasonous… here on this site you will have to see that many thousands of parents are wrongly charged with fabricated child abuse or neglect charges. I myself have seen the LIES in social worker court documents. If you can take children from this system, you are turning your back on ethics and decency.

That’s my opinion, and I’m standing by it.

Comment by Linda — May 30, 2008 @ 9:17 pm

what is the definition of parent?
rear: bring up; “raise a family”; “bring up children” a father or mother; one who begets or one who gives birth to or nurtures and raises a child; a relative who plays the role of guardian
Social Workers did not choose me specifically, but GOD did, to be the mother of my children, it does not matter if they are my blood or not. I am sorry but just because the person is a family member means NOTHING to me. If the family was so concerned with the children in the first place why didn;t they step up and offer to take the child in the first place? I know plenty of good people, my family included who raised me. However they did it with out the system getting involved. It is too bad that the BIO parents could not wake up a realize that they needed help before CPS would have to get involved. In our case I know the BIO mother and she has done nothing. Wants to blame even one else when she is the one who needs to change, and I am sorry I will believe my children over her. If you have not been a child who has been put through hell you will never understand.

Comment by Mary — May 30, 2008 @ 9:54 pm

This is in reply to Mary. Soemtimes the natural “real” parents have had problems, need help and are not given that help. One of my children was killed by a foster and the state covered it up. And as far as other real family members offering to step up, in my case I had several - 3 to be exact, all were adequate, and the state had my chidl slated for adoption. All 3 of these family members were shot down before they could even get out of the door. And the outcome? My now 21 yr old son has been denied for the last 16 years (and ongoing) the right to know his “real” family. And if I the mother had been given help (housing issues due to low income) rather than constantly being thrown into class after class after class for no real purpose (Honestly how many parenting classes does it take? 1, 2, 15? I did 19 total parenting classes and passed each and every one - even have letters from the teacher of several of the classes written to the judge).

Please step down with you holier than thou attitude and realize that soemtimes what fosters are told is not the entire truth. I was a practicing alcoholic (which IS a recognized medical condition). I was offered no help for that condition (and it is linked to genetics and we have a solid family history of such). I did get help (on my own - nothing offered fvrom the state). I can now proudly say that I have been in recovery for 16+ years now. Is it something I am proud of? No but I am not ashamed either. It is what made me who I am today, and my son should not have been taken from me and given to strangers. He has a sister who has never met him. Do not even know when she will due to the fact that he was adopted by someone. So please think before you speak. Find out your facts before you share please. Not all parents that the state says are helpless drunk or addicts are in fact helpless. They just need a helping hand. And the state and greedy fosters are too busy trying to steal children.

Comment by Jennifer — May 31, 2008 @ 6:16 am

Linda, I totally agree with you.

I was told many lies about the parents of my first foster placement. I thought they were horrible people. I now know differently. They are a wonderful Christian family. We are becoming great friends!

When I became a foster mom I thought I’d be taking in abused children. What crap! I did not take in any abused children. CPS is truly horrible.

I do not agree with the statement that foster parents do it for the money. I certainly couldn’t have even if I had wanted to. The money was very minimal.

I do think that CPS does it for the money though.

Comment by Amanda Sumner — May 31, 2008 @ 7:43 am

Yes, CPS are the ones who receive the direct profit from sending kids to foster care. Reading from the previous posts, I now realize that not all foster parents are bad and some actually have their hearts in the right place!
CPS needs to have PROOF of child abuse and children should be removed from their natural parents if they are in IMMINENT DANGER. This was not done in my case…there was NO abuse, yet they removed all our 3 children and even wanted to TPR us, all based on hearsay and false allegations of alcoholism on my husband’s part. They are especially EVIL here in this small corrupt CO town & need to be obliterated.

Comment by Susan — May 31, 2008 @ 8:49 am

Jennifer, I understand that states do not give the support to the bio parents. I have seen that myself. I wish that they would have put my children’s bio through a half way house or a treatment program. I am truly sorry about your child. My mother had a friend who’s child was killed in foster care. I became a foster parent so I could protect children from being rip from their bio parents and put in horrible situations. I still talk to a bio mother who child was only in my home for 6 weeks and it has been 2 years since he has been in our home. The courts, judges do not know everything unless you tell them, that way they know everything. I know as a foster parent, us foster parents can write judges letters and express difficulty. If you are truly sincere in your progress. I know there are foster parents, that I myself ask why are they foster parents? But no I cannot take every child. I see that each child is in my home for a reason. I myself being a child of addicts, love to a miracle happen because if you can stay clean that in itself is a miracle, and would love to see more of that. Because my mother was able to do that and that as her child makes me love her even more. I can also say that I have a relationship with 2 of my children’s mother, they are siblings, and it kills me that she cannot get her act together because I know how much she does love them, but should not be put through something like that. Like I wrote before only 30 percent of meth addicts get clean, and there are high statistics for children in a drug environment to stay in that environment when they get older. I am not saying that my kids will not do that, because I know addictive personality are genetic. However I feel like my personal experiences as a child will be able to help. I am told all the time by my children’s bio mom that I treat her children like they were my own. Even though there is no blood relation, my children I feel are apart of me. I have 3 of my children from birth and one since he was a toddler. I am not saying that all bio parents are not parents, I am saying most are not. I know that the system is not perfect. Even for foster parents we still get treated like crap and usually have to put up with the same treatment you do. We do have to work with the same caseworkers. However a lot of parents are not able to get clean, or even want to get clean especially after there children are taken away. I can understand how stressful that can be. Usually addicts/alcoholics have a hard time dealing with their feelings in the first place, and that does not help. Why they have bio parents take parenting classes I do know, because I am told my the bio parents that I know, just read from a book. How that is suppose to help you in the real world of parenting I have no clue. Yes I understand caseworkers give out incorrect information on foster parents, however if the foster parents were more involved with the bio parents they could form their own opinion. Every bio parent I have dealt with excluding one have been nice. They have been very nice to be, however that does not mean that they should get their child back. I know as long as you follow your case plan you should be able to get your children back. If you don’t you would be able to appeal it. Unfortunately many bio parents may not know that they can appeal. That is were your research comes, have good communication comes in. As for foster parents hurting their children, adopted or not. It happens more with bio parents then it does with foster parents. But there are more children with there bio parents then with foster parents to, but statistically the percentage is higher. Foster parents are held to a higher standard of parenting then bio parents, therefore if something horrible happens to children in their care the punishment, in my opinion should be greater.

Comment by mary — May 31, 2008 @ 12:54 pm

Please. Baby purchasers are bitter and barren hags who cannot have their own child, God has deemed THEM unfit, so they steal a baby. Nice. Get a puppy.

Comment by Ann — May 31, 2008 @ 1:15 pm

Ann, giving birth does not mean that you are a “good” parent. You sound pretty bitter yourself. Thank God for all of the wondeful “barren” woman who are loving enough to take in children that are abused and neglected by people such as yourself. BTW, with your poor attitude, I feel sorry for any “puppy” you come into contact with!

Comment by Tootsie — May 31, 2008 @ 11:47 pm

Wow Linda my stepson was sexually abused by his mother. She allowed her boyfriends to have sex with him. She took him on drug deals and one time when we were talking to him on the phone he was watching a prono. To me all she is a egg donor. We fought to get him with us. CPS did nothing and didn’t care about the safety of the kids at all. At least my stepson is safe. I love him like I gave birth to him.

Comment by kristin — June 1, 2008 @ 8:57 am

Mary, it is absolutely untrue that “statistically the percentage is higher” of parents harming children compared to fosterers. I have done the research using national statistics. Children are MUCH more likely to be abused in foster homes than in their natural family homes. Children are much more likely to be KILLED in foster homes than in their natural family homes. Many foster children say they were abused in every foster home they ever lived in.

Ann - I totally agree with you. Barren hags should stay out of the foster care BU$INE$$ but of course they think they are God’s gift to children.

Comment by Linda — June 1, 2008 @ 5:14 pm

Actually parents who receive their children back, after they were in CPS care are statistically more prone to be killed by their parents, not foster parents, and if God wanted children to be with their parents, don’t you think that they would be? There are plenty of kids that are with their parents then children taken away from parents who are unable to care for their children. I just hope that you put in the same effort you are now, with complaining and blaming people for how they did you wrong, when your children were taken away. It sounds funny to me that every bio mom, who’s child I have cared for has thanked me for taking such good care of there children. Yet all I see on here is hate for people who care for children who’s bio parents apparently cannot care for them properly. I know that there are different circumstances in every case. But for majority of parents who lose their rights, deserve it, not because I think they are bad people, but because it is in the best interest of the child, to find permanent home, and understand what it means to find some kind of normalcy. If you think that foster parents do it for the money, you are insane and have apparently not done your homework AT ALL. Maybe you should get all the facts before you start saying things you apparently know nothing about. Do you really think that 200.00 a month pays for a child. I am sorry but that will only cover my son’s swimming lessons or other activities for a month. I see all these bio parents on here complaining thinking, they have done nothing wrong. Can you say DENIAL? Come back down to reality please, and maybe you would be able to deal with the guilt and learn from it.

Comment by mary — June 2, 2008 @ 2:12 am

Figured I would put this statistic on here.
Most often, the parents. According to one government study that looked at child deaths, eight out of 10 children who die from abuse or neglect die at the hands of their parents or their parent’s partner. Less than one percent die at the hands of a foster parent or other state-appointed temporary custodian. Almost 1,500 children died from abuse or neglect in this country in 2004.
Some research you did….

Comment by mary — June 2, 2008 @ 2:16 am

Here’s a fact for youz:

TX Foster Care System - 147 DEATHS

FLDS - 0
Beware any ’study’ done by our government is going to distort the facts in THEIR favor cuz they think the ‘man’ is always right!

Comment by Susan — June 2, 2008 @ 6:21 am

Also Mary, what about cases such as my own where NO ABUSE EVER TOOK PLACE??? My husband & I are NOT criminals, perverts, drug addicts, hard core alcoholics (I don’t even drink except maybe twice a yr), we do not live on a compound, or have multiple spouses! We are INNOCENT and have been victimized! I’m gonna keep screaming this until somebody listens! The law reads that any child who is IN IMMINENT DANGER needs to be removed. Ours WERE NOT.

Comment by Susan — June 2, 2008 @ 6:27 am

First, I am one of the “barren hags” that adopted a child from birth 17 years ago. She is a well rounded, well loved young woman in the top 4% in the COUNTRY scholastically. She has two mothers who love her dearly, one who couldn’t care for her and me, who did. Ask HER if she’d want it any differently. She’d tell you she is grateful her mother cared enough to give her to someone who could meet her needs.

It was not my choice, after 5 miscarriages, to have a hysterectomy to save my life. Please forgive me if I didn’t want to die at the age of 21!

But it was my “choice” to become a mother. I was lucky. We had a private placement adoption so my child was never abused. I have been her “mother” since the very moment she was born. I often think that I love her more than any biological mother could possibly love a child because she IS a gift from God and I was fortunate enough to have the chance to raise her. For those of you who have the goft of child bearing, you can’t imagine the grief of not being able to give birth when you love children as much as I do. I dare anyone to question my love for her because I FULLY appreciate what a true GIFT she has been to our lives and the lives of my family.

Today, I am fighting for my little great niece to come home from foster care after 4 months due to false allegations and unfounded lies. We will go to court tomorrow. I pray to God she will come home. She was taken for no reason. The authorities have said there was no abuse. So ask yourself why she isn’t home! It wasn’t anything to do with lack of love or caring or an unstable environment. It was MONEY… pure and simple.

It was also due to a malicious, vindictive liar who had her own agenda. For the record, her mother just got kicked out of drug rehab. She does ecstasy, morphine (intravenously), methamphetamines… you name it. The baby had two drugs in her system when she was born. Her mother did all the above during her pregnancy (admittedly so).

Her mother was arrested last week for possession and will probably go to prison for the next six years as she violated her probation for the THIRD TIME. Out of this child’s two years of life, her mother has been in jail a year of it. The rest of the time she’s been a prostitute and an addict. Do you call that a parent?

I’ve been this child’s parent when her mother wasn’t around. Add to that the grief of watching her mother (my niece), whom I love and adore, go down the path she has chosen with no thought for her own child! It’s a nightmare no one should have to live.

To me, there is no difference whether you are a parent, an aunt, a foster mom (I’ve had three foster sons), or just a friend of the family when it comes to the love of a child. You either love them or you don’t. If you don’t, you don’t deserve them. But the children sure as heck deserve ALL the love from everyone around them that is willing when the parents fall down on the job.

The system is definitely corrupt. SOME foster parents are corrupt. SOME adoptive parents are corrupt.

I resent those who make blanket statements that “barren hags” shouldn’t “steal” other peoples children. It isn’t stealing when the parents have given up their responsibility as a parent and neglected/abandoned/abused their child.

I also resent biological parents who don’t give a care in the world for their children because they are so selfish they don’t see the needs of the child above themselves. Who then will care for them if WE don’t?

We are all here because we have experienced problems with the system. It is best to keep comments based on fact for each individual circumstance, not make baseless, unfounded accusations against any group as a whole.

After all, isn’t that what CPS does? They judge people without facts or taking into account individualized, personal circumstances. Let’s remember that an not become THEM.

Love to all and have an empowered day!

Comment by Carol — June 2, 2008 @ 7:38 am

Mary, your “8 out of 10″ statistic is flawed. It doesn’t tell you that children are ten times more likely to be abused in foster care. It doesn’t tell you that children are 3.6 times more likely to be KILLED in foster care. (or take Leonard Henderson’s statistic… fifty times more likely to be killed)

“8 out of 10″ simply tells you that there’s a lot more children in natural family homes than in foster homes. You need to work the percentages starting with an understanding that the huge percentage of children in natural family homes is naturally going to be much more than the tiny percentage of children in foster homes.

Comment by Linda — June 2, 2008 @ 8:41 am

Carol, if you don’t fit the scenario, don’t be miffed by it. I am talking of people like the barren hag who stole two of my children from me in 1989 and brainwashed them to hate me. I am still suffering from the effects of Parental Alienation Syndrome all these years later and so is one of my two daughters. The barren hag in my case wasn’t a CPS paid person. It was my ex-husband’s girlfriend. CPS gave my younger child back to me; but I couldn’t fight the barren hag and all her money. So I totally identified with the barren hag scenario given by Ann (above). That is a perfect description of Joan.

Comment by Linda — June 2, 2008 @ 8:47 am

Too many children have died as a result of wrong decisions by CPS. With power comes responsibility and accountability, which most officials ignore. A child welfare system so overwhelmed with children who DON’T need to be in foster care,the less time they have to find children in real danger.

In California, the CPS is actually wrong on both sides more than half of the time. In fact, the figure was 80% by four different studies by four different independent organizations. The CPS took away children who were not abused nor neglected 80% of the time. The CPS passed up taking away children who were abused 80% of the time and left them in danger.
Let’s NOT allow these precious children’s death to be in vain - in the news one day, forgotten the next. How many more stories do we have to hear?
Children Who Didn’t Have to Die - Website http://suncanaa.com/

Comment by Suncana — June 2, 2008 @ 8:20 pm

Linda, I quite agree that there are terrible people out there, but Ann’s statement was very specific towards ALL women who can’t have children. You, however, make reference to ONE woman in your life who, apparently, fits the description and I don’t blame you for being irate. Ann, on the other hand, made a very serious, slanderous statement directed at ALL women who are childless.

You can’t imagine how that one term sends me reeling when I hear it. Ann is not the first in my world to use the term “barren hag” simply because I have the unfortunate circumstance of not being able to bear children.

I may be barren, but I’m not a hag. I also have an infinite capacity to love other people’s children, whether I am raising them myself or not. I understand the great gift they are to anyone who has the blessing to have them in their care. I understand the responsibility towards them as well. Many women who give birth do not share those qualities and/or appreciate what a gift children are.

The term “barren hag,” when used as a descriptor towards a “group” of women in such a way as Ann stated it is a slight against any intelligent, caring, well rounded woman who has offered her love for a child she did not give birth too.

All I said was be cautious about the way you (meaning ANN) generalize and demean a group of people you don’t know. Her remark was inappropriate.

Again I say, if you start generalizing, without discussing and/or understanding the entire scope of an individual’s circumstances you put yourself out there as judge, jury and executioner. None of us are God and we shouldn’t play like we are. When we begin to make demeaning statements about a “group” of people, we become worse than CPS, because we SHOULD know better.

God bless us all, as well as the children.

Comment by Carol — June 3, 2008 @ 3:51 am

Carol, you say you are barren but not a hag. So you aren’t a barren hag. Get over it. Maybe Ann wasn’t talking about you.

Personally I think it is good for family members to help other family members raise their children when there’s a need… but I don’t believe people should become foster parents to fulfill their desires to have children they can’t have naturally… then to try to keep those children from ever being able to go home to their parents. That’s nothing but pure evil.

Comment by Linda — June 3, 2008 @ 8:49 am

As I said above, every case is different and should be handled differently. Every one has good points in their cases.
The reason I am on this site is I am looking for similar stories like mine. I am looking for good foster parents and family members that witness CPS put children back into unstable parents custody, where the children were beaten, raped, or just emotional abused. Even children’s point of view.
The reason is I am putting together a book with my experiences which I was in court 10 times to protect my daughter, the last 3 times was to protect my daughter’s half sister. Which result in me experiencing CPS’s uncaring ways toward children.
My goal is to expose all of their bad ways.
But it will take all of us to think positively, and work together.
It is about the children not us.
So I am looking for the right people that can help, people with power that cares, to make something happen.
What positive action can we do?

Comment by Rob — June 3, 2008 @ 8:50 am

Dear Mary

Not all natural parents can raise their children, I agree. However to assume that most children are taken from their natural parents because they refused to comply with the case plan or needed to have CPS in their lifes? Lets look in a different direction for a moment. Do you think that police officers never abuse their authority? While most police officers do their job and do not abuse their authority, we know that there are some that do. The people on this site are hurting because a goverment angency abused it’s authority. CPS seems to think that they are not accountable to anyone. Take the sect in TX, the woman asked the officer for a warrent, he said she did not need to see it? they did not have have a warrent! Justice for all means justice for all. No goverment agency has the right to abuse their authority. The people here are hurting, because a goverment angency was allowed to abuse that authority and stomp on their rights. They were allowed, without merit or reason, to come into their lives and take their very heart and soul, their children. There may be people that need the help DSS has to offer, but I don’t know because I have only seen the harm they cause. I know your a good mom,and your children are yours, wheather they grew in your womb, or in your heart (as mine did) But understand what we are talking about is when CPS abuses it’s authority and harms both the families and children they were meant to help. If we sound a little bitter its because of what we have been through.

Comment by fran — June 3, 2008 @ 12:09 pm

Well, I am 16 yo female and I thank God for my “barren hag” who took me in when I wuz just 6 yo. My “REAL” mom let her bf beat the crap out of me and she was always too drunk and high to kno the difference. CPS begged her for 3 yrs to go to drug rehab. She went once and they paid for her to get an apt. and bought her furniture. Upped my visits with her and she actually slapped me and tried to get me to say that it was my foster mom that had done it. The best day of my life was my adoption day. My REAL mom has me NOW! I wldn’t have it any other way. I let go of my old life- I’m better for it. My adoptive mom has never said one bad thing about my biomom, I remember more than enuff. BTW, I’m even doing great in school and planning on going to college. I probably would”ve ended up a strung out crack whore had I stayed with my “natural” parent. You people don’t have a clue. My adoptive mom loves me at LEAST as much as her bio kids. My 2 big brothers and little sister. I just wanna forget my biomom, probably like ur kids wanna forget all u bitter hags.

Comment by Anastasia — June 11, 2008 @ 9:57 pm

Hi Anastasia,
Your comment is very interesting.
As you see two blogs above with my story, where I am now trying to protect my daughter’
s half sister from a bio-mother very similar than yours. Of course CPS came in to put the half sister in custody of their bio mother. I have had custody of my bio daughter for 17 years now.
The most interesting about your story is, my daughter’s name is Anastasia also.

May love and God be with you

Comment by Rob — June 12, 2008 @ 11:15 am

Anastasia, we know there are some bad mothers. You are lucky to have a good foster mother. But the fact is that children are about ten times more likely to be abused in foster care than in their natural family homes. That was determined from CPS’s own statistics nationwide.

The way you diss your real mother and want nothing to do with her makes it look like you have a case of PAS - Parental Alienation Syndrome. Look it up - you may learn something about yourself, they way you think, and the reasons you think that way.

Comment by Linda — June 12, 2008 @ 11:15 am

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