Drugs and Parenting Don’t Mix
I know many of you don’t use drugs and this post doesn’t apply to you. This article is an appeal to people who think they can use drugs and be parents at the same time.
You never know how CPS agents will handle drug use. Sometimes they ignore it. Usually they’ll remove a child from the home even for suspected drug use. Sometimes drug-addicted parents can go through rehabilitation and get their children back. Sometimes they go through rehabilitation and still don’t get their children back. I find that the only consistent thing about CPS cases is that they are inconsistent.
If you are a parent and think it is okay to use drugs, even “just marijuana” - please consider this. Suppose that God is looking down on us and compassionately thinks marijuana use is okay. Suppose He put the plant here to be enjoyed, and in His sight you are not doing a bad thing.
However all around you there are people who think marijuana use is not okay. They are trained to report your drug use to CPS, and CPS agents are trained to consider your drug use as a form of child neglect. They think that if you’re using drugs of any kind, even just marijuana, you are not able to concentrate on watching your children. They think you spend your money on drugs rather than on your children. So you are on their list of people to take children away from.
In this scenario, it doesn’t matter what God thinks of you if the CPS worker is here on earth to take children away, and chooses yours.
I’m not saying that I think God approves of drugs. I’m just saying that if you think it is okay, then that’s your decision, for yourself. But once you have children to take care of, you’re responsible for them and if you know that CPS agents are looking for drug users to take children away from, you’re risking your children’s well-being and your own, because being in a CPS case is one of the most devastating things you can go through in life.
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Another type of drug use is that of CPS victim parents who are terribly depressed, confused, traumatized, lost without their children, and miserable. The temptation to turn to drugs during the course of a CPS case is very common. I know of way too many parents who could have had their children back, but instead went out and smoked marijuana during the course of the case… and somehow their CPS agent social workers found out and told the judge. Those children were adopted out to strangers.
Please don’t let this happen to you! If you’re a CPS victim parent, don’t give in to the temptation to use drugs no matter how miserable and depressed you are. This is the worst time ever to start using drugs of any kind, including cigarettes. Don’t do anything the CPS agents can use against you. It simply isn’t worth it.
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While I’m on the subject of drugs - let me tell you how I feel about CPS cases where the parents have lost their children due to drug use. First of all, I feel that drug use while parenting is foolhardy given the current laws in which children are taken away for that reason. But when a parent for some reason doesn’t realize that and doesn’t quit for the well-being of their children, if their children are taken, I do feel some sympathy for them. I want all parents to quit using drugs so they can keep their children. I want parents with children in CPS custody to rehabilitate themselves. I want families to be reunited.
No matter what, I believe it is wrong to adopt out the children of the living. I feel better about legal guardianships than I do about adoptions. I believe it is wrong to tell children to call someone else “Mom” or “Dad”… to tell them they have new “parents”. I believe that children have one set of parents and to tell them someone else took their place is like telling them it is okay to lie about who their real parents are.
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If you’re a parent, don’t use drugs unless a doctor prescribes them. If your doctor prescribes medical marijuana, find out if CPS workers in your state take children from medical marijuana users before deciding to use it. If you’re not a parent, I have nothing to say about whether you’re using drugs or not. Everyone makes their own decisions and I’m a “live and let live” kind of person. But when you have children at home - your first responsibility is to them. Doing something that could get them taken away from you by CPS is not a good idea.
I have owned this site for more than seven years. Before that I did what I could as an anti-CPS activist for ten years, including writing scathing articles about CPS that were published in newspapers. I’ve been publicly known as an activist in this field for about 18 years now, and even though I’ve had my own children living in my home all that time, they were never removed from my custody again.
I want to tell you why.
The main reason why my children were never removed from my home again is that I lived an impeccably straight and upright kind of existence. I lived for my children. I didn’t use drugs, didn’t drink to excess, didn’t do anything that could be construed as abusive. The other reason why my children were never removed from my home was that I was extremely lucky. As most of you know, if a CPS agent really wants to take your child, they can make things up, twist the truth to make you look wicked, or any number of tricks. I was disturbed that a local CPS agent came to my door several times during the last seven years, but despite his apparent interest in me due to my outspoken opinions and this website, he never had a reason to detain my children.
All I am asking, with this article, is to PLEASE not give CPS workers any reasons to take or keep your children. Drugs, whether good or bad, are a reason, so please turn away from the drug using lifestyle if that is how you’ve been living. Cure yourself with that wonderful, amazing will-power deep within you. It is right there in your heart, right next to your love for your children. Cure yourself and be free, and know that you’re doing the right thing for yourself and for your kids.
hi,
i think parents lack parenting skills in today’s world.
Comment by neha — May 5, 2008 @ 2:19 am
Thank you for posting this. Drugs are such an insidious destructive force in peoples lives.
I am a foster mother in the state of NJ. The child I am now fostering is now available for adoption because of his parents drug use. Mom went to rehab, was 1 week away from release Her son would have been returned to her shortly after, and she just left. Back to dad and drugs. She tried again a few months ago. This time she only made it a week. Dad doesn’t feel that the drugs affect his life and has refused all treatment.
I’m so sad for them because I have gotten to know his parents. They love him dearly. I so want them to get better so they can know this wonderful child. They just can’t kick the drugs. They surrendered their rights to me. Sadly no one in their families want him. I have developed a good relationship with them and we will contiune contact post adoption. I hope that some day they will make the choice to help themselves. I want him to know them.
This child is amazing. He has overcome addiction and multiple delays and is now a thriving toddler.
Don’t lose out on being with your children because of drugs. Your children need you and want to know you.
Comment by Missy — May 5, 2008 @ 4:10 am
Kudos to the author (Linda?) for the above monologue. I could not be as diplomatic as (she), which is why I had not written here about it yet.
I have read a lot of the complaints in this forum and a lot involve drugs. Whether it was a former addiction, perscription abuse. etc., any drug activity is a red flag to CPS.
Remember, CPS’s mission is little more than CYA. If it can be covered up, they will. Drug abuse is one of those things thats hard to cover up with paperwork, if you know what I mean.
If you can’t be proud of what you are doing, perhaps you should not be doing it!
Comment by Caesar Gonzales — May 5, 2008 @ 6:18 am
I totally agree. Drugs and alcohol destroy many lives. Not to mention, many foster children and former foster children have a tendency to become addicts as well. My husband had to undergo random UA’s all during our case. Every UA test was NEGATIVE, yet the GAL in the case had a private investigator spy on him at the bowling alley where he bowls at every Monday night, and reported that she had observed him drinking from a pitcher. Well, they never did go & test what was in the pitcher, and many of my husband’s teammates don’t drink, and the bowling alley sells non-alcoholic beer! Anyways, we did lose our kids because social services actively pursued this bogus case where there was NEVER any abuse.
Question: Do CPS workers have to do any psychological testing for their jobs? Do they have to have a background check to see if they’ve ever had a substance abuse problem? I’m wondering, because I checked to see if the ones involved in my case even have a license, which I could not find that any of them have a license.
Comment by Susan — May 5, 2008 @ 7:32 am
Susan, you’re right. Most are unlicensed and are not real social workers at all. They should be called caseworkers. And no, they don’t have to do any psychological testing to have that job and obviously they should because from the many lies and misrepresentations I’ve read in caseworker court reports it is obvious that many of them are mentally unsound - no sane person would tell lies to separate children from their parents. I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been alienated from your children.
Comment by Linda — May 5, 2008 @ 7:50 am
Illegal drugs are tremendously insidious and destructive means of coping with your pain.
Please get therapy, or a good friend, or an absorbing hobby.
Some states are now hiring caseworkers who have been substance abuse counselors.
That is, they are NOT 22 yo, fresh out the state school.
If caseworkers have 6 weeks training, that is considered adequate.
However, the use of illegal substances, as I understand it, are not sufficient grounds to remove one’s children.
One has to prove neglect or abuse.
That being said—please do not use.
Comment by Fern — May 5, 2008 @ 3:34 pm
Thank you Linda & Fern. I do get to see my kids on the weekends, & I also take mty 14 yr old to school every day. She’s pretty upset about not getting to live with her parents, but my mom & her partner must like the money too much to let her come home. I guess they think a lesbian household is better than living with a recovering alcoholic.
Comment by Susan — May 5, 2008 @ 7:48 pm
take me off of your newsletter. I was disgusted to read your latest ranting. How dare you support drug use! I dont want to hear anything else you have to say. I feel sorry for your readers and how you are possibly leading them into trouble.
Comment by pam — May 6, 2008 @ 8:30 am
Pam, I don’t support drug use. Did it sound like I did? I simply don’t pass judgment on people, especially those here on this site.
If you want to unsubscribe, use the link at the bottom of the email you objected to. There’s an unsubscribe link on every email.
Comment by Linda — May 6, 2008 @ 4:20 pm
Folks might be interested to know that DCFS in California approved a Mom’s administration of THC to her son in a brownie goodie. Dates would be around ‘00.
Apparently, it was the ONLY REMEDY which worked for this young man.
Archived in Googlegroups.
Folks, a common tactic of CPS apologists is the outraged JUDGEMENTAL HIT AND RUN AWAY trick.
Do not be fooled.
Comment by Fern — May 7, 2008 @ 7:48 am
I have an open case with CPS here in southern califorina. I am currently going through all of the motions and trying to get my kids back. I had to do the whole random dug testing thing to prove that im not a drug user. I passed 16 tests clean, but I have adult ADHD and have had it for many years, I havent been taking my medication for it for a couple of years due to the fact i didnt have health insurance until just recently. I went back to the doctor and got back on my Adderall, which is a prescription form of amphetamine. I havent told my social worker about it yet because Im afraid shes gonna make me do sarms or delay the process of giving me my kids back. Im afraid this might have some kind of negative effect on my case. I am under the care of a doctor, and I only take this medicine exactly as directed. I do not abuse it or use for any recreational purpose. I am afraid because I am so close to getting my kids back, but I need my Adderall because my ADHD is unmanageable without it. Can anybody give me some advice? or is there any other parents out there in a similar situation? what should I do?
Comment by Rachel — May 7, 2008 @ 9:23 am
Rachel, I don’t understand why you think you need to tell a CPS worker if you get a new prescription medication. Is there anything in your court report saying that you need to report this kind of medical information to CPS? That would be very unusual. Check out your court order; so long as you’re in compliance with that, there’s no need to give extra information. If it comes up during a drug test, have your prescription medication bottle with you to show the people who do drug testing. Other than that, I’d keep quiet about it. If you have any doubts, please consult your attorney.
It seems that when CPS robs us of our children and privacy, we think we have to tell these government agents everything. But believe me, you still have rights. I think a right to medical privacy is very important. It is true that they can get access to our medical records, but this is not something you should have to bring up to them as an issue, unless of course, your court order states that you must.
Comment by Linda — May 7, 2008 @ 3:17 pm
Rachel
Isn’t ADHD a recognized disability? If so you are federally protected from being harrassed about it. While I wouldn’t tell the worker I would tell your attorney.
Comment by Kevin Fine — May 7, 2008 @ 5:55 pm
Thank you so much for your response, Ive been so worried. One of the (false) allegations CPS made against me was drug use, even though I am not a drug user and they have no proof that I ever was. Because it was one of the allegations, I had to do random drug tests for 3 months and the social worker told me that they would test me a few more times periodically while my case is open. Ive proven to them that Im not a drug user, hopefully my Adderall will not cause me any additional problems but I guess Ill just have to wait and see. i will let my attorney know, and Ill let you guys know what happens — Thanx again
Comment by Rachel — May 7, 2008 @ 6:12 pm
The CPS Nazis here made me undergo drug & alcohol testing as well (about 6 tests ALL negative) even though I’ve NEVER had a substance abuse issue. They’re just money grubbers using any corrupt goon agency in their power to try to come up with dirt on innocent parents. I wish I’d never told them I’m on celexa (an anti depressant) because they used that against me too! Brings up a point though… How many of these Godsend hero (zero) caseworkers are on meds??? You gotta wonder?
Comment by Susan — May 8, 2008 @ 5:12 am
Excellent advice from Kevin.
Same scenario occurred in NJ, with a friend of mine.
She had accepted services from DYFS for her rebellious pre-teens. For a year or more.
Girls still did not attend school.
This Mom was wonderful. Girl Scout leader and college student.
She trusted DYFS. Please do NOT blab.
Let your attorney know, in explicit detail that you are NOT an abuser of illegal substances.
In Georgia, the drug testing facility was owned by someone who had a conflict of interest and worked with DFACS.
Folks prove this, and you all have good grounds for suing.
This story is completed documented in Georgia newspapers and on AFRA.
http://www.familyrights.us
First page somewhere. AFRA has the best archive of CPS related stories on Newshawk.
Thanks, Linda. Your advocacy and true love shines through.
No child should be falsely taken from the ones who love him most.
Your advocacy has inspired and helped many families.
Best. F.
Comment by Fern — May 9, 2008 @ 6:27 am