On the cusp of entering my first year of fostering two precious little girls, I can certainly attest that not all foster parents are bad, just like not all birth parents are bad. The reality is that the laws in this nation need to change. Birth parents are given 2 FULL years, in most states, to get their act together and provide a more stable home for their children. If they do not, then termination of parental rights ensues.

On top of this, there are so many restrictions put on what foster parents can and cannot do, there is no wonder that many foster children do not feel wanted in those homes.

With all of this, you have hundreds of thousands of parents out there who would willingly adopt a young child from foster care. In my state, the rate of children becoming available for adoption is so low that an adoptive parent to be might have to wait 3-4 years, of not longer, to get a <6 year old child.

So what happens is a vicious cycle. CPS takes child into custody. Child is 3-5 at the time. Child spends 15 months with foster parent while birth parent attempts to get it together. So to avoid the TPR, CPS gives child back to birth parent at 15 months. Birth parent screws up again 3-6 months later. CPS asks Foster parent #1 if they want child back. Well, no, sorry, but I took placement of this other child, and I am only authorized to have 1 child. So, child, now 4.5 - 7.5 in age, goes to yet another foster family. 3-6 months later, CPS successfully issues TPR.

As luck would have it, current foster family does not desire to adopt, but only provide foster care. So child, now pushing 5 - 8, is sent to either another preparatory foster family, or directly to the potential adoptive parent. Well, I got news for you. THe percentage of potential adoptive parents who want to take on an 8 year is very low. So what happens, this child stays in foster care, and has good odds to age out of foster care.

Let’s rewind and change things up a bit. Birth parent is given 6 months to get it together. Child is 3.5 - 5.5 at TPR. Large percentage of adoptive/foster parents desire this age range as the child has been least affected by foster home changes, and still has plenty of time for emotional recovery. Child is adopted by a loving and caring foster family. Child is raised by loving and caring parents. Child has successful life.

My foster children are far better off in my home than with their birth mother whose idea of caring for her children was to leave them alone with a bed ridden mother, in a filthy, feces infested home, and whose idea of fixing things was to move out of that home into the home of her much younger boyfriend, sorry, now husband’s, family, with no job, no home, and who can’t even find the time to take parenting classes. Did I mention she doesn’t have a job? Oh, but wait, she is a fabulous actress for each and every weekly visit that is sometimes overseen by an CPS agent and mostly not.

Anyone can find statistics to back up any theory that they want. Making claims about what children will be better off living with natural abusive families vs potential loving foster families is a dangerous thing.

I do feel for what I believe to be the small percentage of birth families that get caught up in this CPS hell, but let’s face it, most of the “good” parents get their kids back fast. In my case, the CPS worker is an idiot and thinks that “mom” is the best thing since sliced bread. It is only for the sake of a 20 year experienced real GAL (she is an attorney) that the children were not placed back with this mother. The older child has certainly been exposed to things that she should not have been, if not had actual things happen to her. Fortunately the younger child was young enough that she doesn’t have long lasting effects, YET.

So, let’s not make blanket, generalized statements about all foster parents. As with anything, the media only reports on the bad cases. Of all of the foster families I know, there are far more that are doing this for the good of their hearts. In most states, the per-diem rate is not enough to keep the kid in food let alone clothing, so most parents are not doing it for the $, which is a common misconception.

Since it didn’t work when my 12 yr old daughter last summer cried abuse and had him arrested, saying that he beat her head into the wall 15 times. There was no marks, no bruises, and my boyfriend was founded not guilty by a court of law and the CPS report came back unfounded. My 15 yr old daughter was questioned, after the accusations started by CPS worker and was asked if my boyfriend ever touched her in places that made her feel uncomfortable in anyway and when my daughter replied NO he would never do that…the worker did not believe her!

That very same CPS worker testified in court saying that the department feels it was happening to her as well but she was denying all of it….which is because it wasnt true. They tell us their best interests is with the children, but if a child tells you it was all lies and you don’t believe them, how are they looking out for the best interests of the children. Since they was all taken, my girls are in one county and my son, who is mentally disabled, is by himself. This has traumatized him so bad being separated from me that he has started wetting the bed at night. He never did that before…I told the social worker that it wasn’t normal and she just shrugged her shoulders at me.

I want my kids home….my kids want to come home, but CPS worker is saying that my kids won’t be returned to me unless my boyfriend is out of my life. There goes my civil rights!! We’ve been together 6 years where do they get off demanding that of me or him for that matter? We was planning to marry this year…with everything that has happened its been placed on the back burner for a while. I thank god everyday for him!! He has been standing by my side helping the fight to get my kids returned to me…and they aren’t even his children.

My case was based fully on “he said she said”. CPS placed my son with his father and grandmother who is abusive. I had the proof also but it was 2 years old and no use. Honestly if CPS had a brain they would know that people need help to get over mental disorders and what not. Isnt that what the use against us? Oh they arent mentally stable they need therapy right? Well when someone says they have a gun and want to shoot themselves or say they are mentally unstable thats a red flag and should be investigated even if its 2 years old. You dont get over that on your own in my opinon. Pretty backwards dont you think?

I ask the father for pictures and get nothing. I havent seen my son in almost a year and when my brother asked him where mommy was he said I DONT KNOW. That hurts. The father just refuses to let me see him and my social worker is ok with it.